I have this recurring feeling that, although life was good something just wasn’t quite right. I found it to be persistent, like a twitch you can’t control.
Sometimes it was super quiet whisper and sometimes it roared. Regardless it was a recurring theme I needed to get to the bottom of.
It turned into this rabbit hole. This process opened up loads of questions and then more questions. Although I was not clear on exactly the cause, it inspired me to move towards finding what happiness looks like for me.
I really started looking at broad topics and themes in life that I could incorporate more happiness. I applied the microscope metaphor to myself, who I thought I was, who I really am, where do I want to be. Focusing in and out on these topics and themes some needed to be adjusted, some did not. How do you know unless you do the work? I took topics and themes that were broad and that I wanted more of, then I got uncomfortably specific and then excitedly challenged.
I tried many different things on for size and if I didn’t like it I took it off (and continue to). This is also a continuous process. Thinking about how one knows they don’t like something unless they try new things and being okay with the fact that if I tried it and it just didn’t sit right it was time to move on.
I was going to stop wasting precious time doing things that didn’t make me completely happy.
It was okay to change directions mid path! I could say at least I tried and found out it wasn’t for me rather than being left wondering what if!
I’m now okay with not fitting into conventional boxes. Okay with NOT wanting what other people want. That was so far from my own personal truth. I was now secure to be me, on my own terms. I came to realize that one loses people on this path. As well that it will really show you unexpected truths.
I will take accountability for my decisions.
I would no longer allow people to project their beliefs, perceptions or thoughts of how or who I should be. This small change really put me at odds with some. I had to learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable if there was to be real change.
Getting serious about sculpting new existence.